I’m back

Hello again.  I know it has been a while since I last posted anything.  I’ve been very sad since the quake that devastated my homeland.  I still don’t feel like my old self but, life has to go on.  At least my family is okay.  I believe there will be a new and better Haiti.  However, it feels like I’ve changed forever.

I’ve spoken to my father three times.  His optimism is what gives me the strength not to wallow in sadness. 

On another note, I’ve loss some weight.  I got on the scale on Tuesday and discovered I lost 5 lbs.  I’ve been exercising pretty regularly.  While eating well still remains my greatest challenge, I am not doing badly.

I found out Saturday that my dad and his…

I found out Saturday that my dad and his family are okay.  I cannot even begin to explain how wonderful that feels to know.  I felt the proverbial weight lifting off my shoulders.  His house is gone and he’s living in his car but his life saved.

I found out Sunday morning that one of my mother’s sisters is gone.  Her house fell on her and four other people and they all perished.

I’m still in a daze.  This feels like a horrible dream that I just can’t wake up from.  The thing is, everyone around me understands what I’m going through because we’ve all lost someone.  It’s hard to comfort another when you yourself are hurting.  Sunday morning my pastor said, “We’ve all lost someone.  My sincere condolences to all of you.”

I feel like I’ll never be happy again.  I’ve lost so many dreams.  But I still have a few prayers left.  One is for God to protect not only the survivors, but those who are in Haiti to lend a hand in this devastating crisis.

It’s day 2 after the quake and I’ve rece…

It’s day 2 after the quake and I’ve received little info as to how my family in Haiti is doing.  My cousin from Florida tweeted me that one of our uncles and his family are okay.  Still no word on how my dad is doing.   I never thought that I would be in a position like this. 

Yesterday was weird for me.  First of all, I worked out.  I didn’t think I would when I woke up.  But I did.  I didn’t want to go to work.  I didn’t want to stay home.  At work, one of my co-workers helped keep my mind off things.  She actually had me laughing and smiling and forgetting the fact that I’m not happy.

This morning I woke up happy.  I worked out again although my mind wasn’t on my workout.  My mood is slowly yet steadily decreasing.  I’m less wary of going to work today.  I just want to know that my dad is okay.

Haiti Cherie

My heart is broken right now.  It is a wonder I got any sleep.  I am Haitian.  My country is now in worst devastation than before.  My father, his brothers and sisters and their families live down there.  I spoke to my uncle in Florida.  He said he’d just spoken to my father right before the quake.  He said he’ll call me as soon as he hears anything.

You know the weird thing is I’m feeling quite calm.  Every once in a while I wail but it doesn’t last long.  I’m just waiting for that phone call and then I’ll go on from there.

Alert: Being Plump = Looking Younger

Would you believe what I just read?  Carrying around a little extra weight will make you look younger.  But I thought fat made people look old?  I am tired of all these different messages.  I mean, alright already.  I’ve read everything from: lose weight to improve your sex life.  Lose weight to live longer.  LOSE WEIGHT TO LOOK YOUNGER!  But now carry around a little extra weight and look younger?  I mean come on!

Sometimes I think we should just accept our bodies as they are and not worry about what anyone else thinks.  The problem with that is I can’t accept my body how it is.  It’s not because of what others think.  It’s because of what I think.  I wasn’t happy when I weighed 225 lbs.  I wasn’t happy when I weighed 165 lbs.  I wasn’t satisfied at 142 lbs.  I won’t be satisfied until I have washboard abs, no flab and thighs that don’t rub together when I walk.

I’ve never liked my big stomach, my big cheeks, my big thighs or my big feet.  I WANNA BE SKINNY!  It’s not to increase my life on earth.  It is not for health issues.  Losing weight will make me pretty.  It will give me confidence and it will make more appealing to the opposite sex.  Losing weight will make my joy complete.  Dysfunctional.  I know.  But I bet I’m not alone.  What are your reasons for wanting to lose weight?

 Today I’m saying goodbye to cereal.  Yes.  Cereal.  My favorite cereal is flavored with peanut butter and chocolate. 

Why I love chocolate and peanut butter cereal:  I love peanut butter by itself.  I love chocolate by itself.  Peanut butter and chocolate together make a delicious bliss.

Haitian Patties

Before officially starting on this quest, I’d like to revisit some of my favorite foods and say goodbye to them.  Okay, I know there are healthier versions of many of our favorite “bad” foods.  But there’s just no way anyone can make a healthy Haitian beef patty.  Down the line I plan to look healthier versions of my favorite foods.  But for now, I’m going to indulge in them as they are and say goodbye.  I’ll devote seven days to this goodbye tour starting with:

Sunday:  Haitian patties

I love Haitian patties.  When I was growing up in Haiti, our baked patties were usually filled with ground beef or cod fish.  And our fried patties were either filled with ground beef or smoked herring.  Now in America, Haitian bakers fill patties with not only ground beef or codfish, but also with chicken or even vegetables.  Whatever they’re filled with, what makes Haitian patties delicious depends on who makes them. 

There’s a Haitian bakery near my home that makes pretty good patties.

Why I love Haitian these patties:

First there’s the dough.  Yes I said the dough.  The outside is crunchy.  The inside consists of layers.  The center is where the filling is.  Mmmm…delicious.

Healthy Obsession??

 I’ve found a new healthy food.  It’s ginger.  I just can’t get enough of ginger tea or ginger cookies.  Yes I said cookies.  A co-worker introduced me to Jamaican Ginger Biscuits and now I eat way too many of them.  And the tea is not exactly tea.  It’s called ginger drink.  Each bag contains 20 sachets of ginger and honey granules.  The granules can be dissolved in either hot or cold water.  On average I drink two sachets a day in 12 oz of water. 

I hear some of you scoffing at my calling ginger cookies healthy.  But consider this: ginger has a high amount of antioxidants; it’s good for sore throats and nausea.  But let me tell you what I find it good for, moving the old bowels.  After eating almost a whole pack of Jamaican Ginger Biscuits followed by 12 oz of “ginger drink” I know that my behind will be kissing the toilet seat soon as the ginger removes the waste from my body.  So there.  Ginger cookies, “ginger drink”—healthy.  Right?

Welcome

I’ve fallen off the wagon.  In 2004 I lost 63 lbs.  I went from weighing 205 to 142 lbs.  My highest weight was actually 225 lbs.  But I had lost 20 lbs before officially deciding to lose weight.  How’d I lose all that weight, you ask?  Well to be honest, it was easier than I’d thought.  I read a lot of magazines.  I tried a lot of new healthy foods.  I discovered I loved to exercise.  It was fun.  It was exciting.  The compliments from people were pretty ego boosting.  It was a blast.  That is until I woke up one day and suddenly had emotional problems.  See, I had worked through the mental aspect of weight loss.  That’s how I was able to lose 83 lbs in the first place.  Then suddenly I was hit with an urge I had never had before: the need to comfort myself with food.  I had never been an emotional eater.  Actually even when I weighed 225 lbs and would feel sad or depressed about something, the last thing I wanted to do was eat.

So how is it after joyfully and easily losing 83 lbs, I was suddenly eating my emotions?  I mean, I had battled weight and won dammit!  I can’t now be eating my emotions.

Going from 142 lbs to my current 180 lbs did not happen overnight.  I fought my way up to this weight.  I’d gain, and then go on an impossible, inhumane diet, exercise four times a day only to keep gaining.  So what happened to me?  Did I just one day decide to hell with it?  Well, that was a cycle in itself.  My internal dialogue went something like this:

            It’s what’s on the inside that counts.

            I want an hour glass figure

            The average American woman is a size 14 and I’m a size…oh…medium.

            I want to be skinny.

            Lots of women are not a size 2 yet are beautiful, confident and successful.

            I WANNA BE PRETTY!!!

So here I am again.  On this journey again.  This time my goal is to weigh 140 lbs.  I plan on doing some old exercises, eat some old healthy favorites as well as doing exercises and eating healthy foods not yet tried.

My name is Rhode-Elise St. Jacques.  And my resolution for this 2010 is the same as it was in 2004: to lose weight.

Won’t you join me?