I found out Saturday that my dad and his…

I found out Saturday that my dad and his family are okay.  I cannot even begin to explain how wonderful that feels to know.  I felt the proverbial weight lifting off my shoulders.  His house is gone and he’s living in his car but his life saved.

I found out Sunday morning that one of my mother’s sisters is gone.  Her house fell on her and four other people and they all perished.

I’m still in a daze.  This feels like a horrible dream that I just can’t wake up from.  The thing is, everyone around me understands what I’m going through because we’ve all lost someone.  It’s hard to comfort another when you yourself are hurting.  Sunday morning my pastor said, “We’ve all lost someone.  My sincere condolences to all of you.”

I feel like I’ll never be happy again.  I’ve lost so many dreams.  But I still have a few prayers left.  One is for God to protect not only the survivors, but those who are in Haiti to lend a hand in this devastating crisis.

It’s day 2 after the quake and I’ve rece…

It’s day 2 after the quake and I’ve received little info as to how my family in Haiti is doing.  My cousin from Florida tweeted me that one of our uncles and his family are okay.  Still no word on how my dad is doing.   I never thought that I would be in a position like this. 

Yesterday was weird for me.  First of all, I worked out.  I didn’t think I would when I woke up.  But I did.  I didn’t want to go to work.  I didn’t want to stay home.  At work, one of my co-workers helped keep my mind off things.  She actually had me laughing and smiling and forgetting the fact that I’m not happy.

This morning I woke up happy.  I worked out again although my mind wasn’t on my workout.  My mood is slowly yet steadily decreasing.  I’m less wary of going to work today.  I just want to know that my dad is okay.

Haiti Cherie

My heart is broken right now.  It is a wonder I got any sleep.  I am Haitian.  My country is now in worst devastation than before.  My father, his brothers and sisters and their families live down there.  I spoke to my uncle in Florida.  He said he’d just spoken to my father right before the quake.  He said he’ll call me as soon as he hears anything.

You know the weird thing is I’m feeling quite calm.  Every once in a while I wail but it doesn’t last long.  I’m just waiting for that phone call and then I’ll go on from there.

Alert: Being Plump = Looking Younger

Would you believe what I just read?  Carrying around a little extra weight will make you look younger.  But I thought fat made people look old?  I am tired of all these different messages.  I mean, alright already.  I’ve read everything from: lose weight to improve your sex life.  Lose weight to live longer.  LOSE WEIGHT TO LOOK YOUNGER!  But now carry around a little extra weight and look younger?  I mean come on!

Sometimes I think we should just accept our bodies as they are and not worry about what anyone else thinks.  The problem with that is I can’t accept my body how it is.  It’s not because of what others think.  It’s because of what I think.  I wasn’t happy when I weighed 225 lbs.  I wasn’t happy when I weighed 165 lbs.  I wasn’t satisfied at 142 lbs.  I won’t be satisfied until I have washboard abs, no flab and thighs that don’t rub together when I walk.

I’ve never liked my big stomach, my big cheeks, my big thighs or my big feet.  I WANNA BE SKINNY!  It’s not to increase my life on earth.  It is not for health issues.  Losing weight will make me pretty.  It will give me confidence and it will make more appealing to the opposite sex.  Losing weight will make my joy complete.  Dysfunctional.  I know.  But I bet I’m not alone.  What are your reasons for wanting to lose weight?

 Today I’m saying goodbye to cereal.  Yes.  Cereal.  My favorite cereal is flavored with peanut butter and chocolate. 

Why I love chocolate and peanut butter cereal:  I love peanut butter by itself.  I love chocolate by itself.  Peanut butter and chocolate together make a delicious bliss.

Emotionally

I’m enjoying this goodbye tour but I know it will soon come to an end.  I’m worried about how will deal with my emotions once I go on my weight loss journey.  The first lesson I learned about weight loss is that the battle starts in the mind.  Everyone who is combating with weight has an emotional reason for it.

Some people have abandonment issues; some have had traumatic experiences such as rape or incest.  My issue was not feeling good enough to receive the good things of life.  It’s because I was able to let go of those thoughts that I found weight loss too be a breeze.  A breeze, at least, at first.

But since I had developed emotional eating even after losing a bunch weight, who is to say something else won’t develop?

Right now I feel fine.  I feel no sadness.  I am excited to get back to a healthy routine and connect with others who are on the journey as well.  I just need to tell myself that I’ve got this and I can do this and I have support that I didn’t have before.

 One of my favorite things to eat is a good burger.  I’m not usually too crazy about popular fast food burgers.  I find the best burgers come from steakhouses.  But there’s a fast food restaurant that sells chili burgers.  I love them.  I’m accompanying it with a slice of chocolate cake.

Why I love burgers:  The meat, the tomatoes, the sauce all make for a delicious mélange.

Why I love chocolate cake:  Do I really need to address that?

Biggest Loser

Last night I caught the last hour of The Biggest Loser.  I used to watch that show all the time.  I even imagined myself as a contestant.  I would love to get a kickass experience like that.  Let me tell you something though, I’d be one of those whiny people.  I’d cry all the time.  I’m a big baby.  I know.

It’s a great show to watch.  It encourages me to keep going.  I already love exercise.  I don’t need any motivation.  But when I think about how hard they have to work out, it pushes me to work out harder.

Even though it was my first time watching this season, I was rooting for the twins.  I was sad to see James go.  Ever notice how, on Biggest Loser, those big guys have hot wives?  How does that happen?  Do big women get hot men, too?

Anyway, I don’t think I’ll be going to the Biggest Loser Ranch any time soon.  But if I was, I’d want Bob as my trainer.  He’s absolutely delicious!

Today I’m saying goodbye to eggs and whole milk.  You might wonder what’s wrong with eggs.  That’s because you don’t know my favorite way to eat them.  For me, eggs are best when fried in butter with bacon-flavored luncheon meat, cheese and chopped onions, and flavored with basil and a little bit of curry powder.  There was a time when I never ate eggs without the addition of cheese and some kind of meat whether bacon, sausage, hot dog and now my favorite, bacon-flavored luncheon meat.

Why I love eggs that way:  I love color in my food.  My eggs are white (from the albumen, the white part of the eggs) yellow (from the yolk and cheese) red (from the meat) caramel (from the onions) and green (from the basil.

Why I love whole milk:  It’s creamy.  It’s delicious.  And goes with just about any meal.

Day 3 and stuff

Today I’m saying goodbye to fried chicken and French fries.

Why I love fried chicken:  crunchy skin, tender meat, lots and lots of flavor.

Why I love French fries:  I am a potatoes girl.  I love potatoes.  I love them in just about every fashion: French-fried, hash browned, pan caked, scalloped, boiled.  The only way I don’t like them is in the form of potato chips.

Yesterday after realizing I was out of honey flavored cheerios, I resigned to just plain cheerios.  After pouring my cereal and some milk in a bowl, I set the bowl on the table then left the room to talk to my sister.

In the middle of our conversation it occurred to me that I’d better get my bowl before a roach get in it.  (Yes, a roach.  I live in an apartment in Brooklyn.)  Well, I didn’t find a roach.  Instead I found my cat, Madison A.K.A. Feline Food Foretaster with her head in my bowl.  The plain cheerios and skim milk were obviously so delicious, she didn’t hear my shocked outburst or my uncontrollable laughter.

The ironic thing is, when I put milk in their bowls, neither she nor her sister, Lexi, will drink it.  Apparently milk is more delectable in my bowl.

Oh well, that’ll teach me to leave my food unattended.

Goodbye Tour–Day 2

Ever read magazines the studies that come out about new and revolutionary ways to lose weight?  I was reading a magazine recently about how vinegar is supposed to supercharge weight loss.  The magazine suggested that someone drinking two tablespoons of vinegar a day can lose up to seven pounds in seven days. 

Among the many things I’ve done to lose weight, the “vinegar diet” was one of them.  Did I lose seven pounds in seven days?  No.  I gained heartburn.  I probably gained some weight from all the peanut butter I ate.  (I’ve convinced myself that peanut butter helps to soothe heartburn.) 

While I can’t tell anyone not to try the “vinegar diet,” I will not be doing that again.  It might have worked for the smiling people in the magazine, but it did not work for me. 

If it worked for you, however, let me know about it.

The second food on my goodbye tour is Mac and cheese with Haitian meatballs.  I’m not too crazy about my own meatballs but every meatball I’ve eaten that was cooked by a Haitian person, other than myself, has been oh so good.  There’s a restaurant not far from me which sells the best Haitian food I’ve ever had that was not homemade.

Why I love these meatballs:  They’re big.  They’re crunchy on the outside and tender on the inside.  And they’re absolutely delicious.

The Mac and cheese is good too.  But Mac n’ cheese does not have to be made any special way for me to like it.  It could be from a box and I’d love it, provided I fix it up a bit.

Haitian Patties

Before officially starting on this quest, I’d like to revisit some of my favorite foods and say goodbye to them.  Okay, I know there are healthier versions of many of our favorite “bad” foods.  But there’s just no way anyone can make a healthy Haitian beef patty.  Down the line I plan to look healthier versions of my favorite foods.  But for now, I’m going to indulge in them as they are and say goodbye.  I’ll devote seven days to this goodbye tour starting with:

Sunday:  Haitian patties

I love Haitian patties.  When I was growing up in Haiti, our baked patties were usually filled with ground beef or cod fish.  And our fried patties were either filled with ground beef or smoked herring.  Now in America, Haitian bakers fill patties with not only ground beef or codfish, but also with chicken or even vegetables.  Whatever they’re filled with, what makes Haitian patties delicious depends on who makes them. 

There’s a Haitian bakery near my home that makes pretty good patties.

Why I love Haitian these patties:

First there’s the dough.  Yes I said the dough.  The outside is crunchy.  The inside consists of layers.  The center is where the filling is.  Mmmm…delicious.

Healthy Obsession??

 I’ve found a new healthy food.  It’s ginger.  I just can’t get enough of ginger tea or ginger cookies.  Yes I said cookies.  A co-worker introduced me to Jamaican Ginger Biscuits and now I eat way too many of them.  And the tea is not exactly tea.  It’s called ginger drink.  Each bag contains 20 sachets of ginger and honey granules.  The granules can be dissolved in either hot or cold water.  On average I drink two sachets a day in 12 oz of water. 

I hear some of you scoffing at my calling ginger cookies healthy.  But consider this: ginger has a high amount of antioxidants; it’s good for sore throats and nausea.  But let me tell you what I find it good for, moving the old bowels.  After eating almost a whole pack of Jamaican Ginger Biscuits followed by 12 oz of “ginger drink” I know that my behind will be kissing the toilet seat soon as the ginger removes the waste from my body.  So there.  Ginger cookies, “ginger drink”—healthy.  Right?